Entitle this.

Not more than 30 minutes ago I stepped off the 93 Midtown-South County (my favorite bus route in all of St. Louis), having listened to two intoxicated white folks raise their voices repeatedly over the ills facing the U.S. today. It wasn't pretty. For about 20 minutes the two traded stories about how this boyfriend and that cousin had their jobs stolen by immigrants willing to work for pennies. I can't even bring myself to dirty-it up the way it was coming out of their mouths.... so much hate and feelings of being wronged.

Even in their drunken, disorderly state, these two white folks on the bus exuded entitlement.

The word "entitled" has floated from my lips many times this past week-- I've slapped the label on quite a few people under my breath. For some reason the word has permeated my thoughts and my lens, such that I am measuring people and situations by how "entitled" a person appears to be. I've decided I need to explore the word (and my own entitlement) a bit...

From Wikipedia:
"Entitlement is a guarantee of access to benefits because of rights, or by agreement through law. It can also refer, in a more casual sense to someone's belief that he/she is deserving of some particular reward or benefit. It is often used as a negative term in popular parlance (i.e. a 'sense of entitlement'). The legal term, however, carries no value judgment: it simply denotes a right granted. In clinical psychology and psychiatry, an unrealistic, exaggerated, or rigidly held sense of entitlement may be considered a symptom of Narcissistic Personality Disorder."

So entitlement is basically akin to internalized superiority in the NCCJSTL world of social justice language. Being entitled and having internalized superiority both are based on assumptions that I deserve or am owed something. Sometimes this is a very conscious entitlement: like when I think I deserve to get my money back if a product I buy is defective. Sometimes it's much less conscious, like when I've never had to think about deserving characters in TV shows that are white like me, who talk like me, who eat like me: because they already are like me. But if you tried to take those characters that represent me away from my TV shows, I sure would say I'm entitled to them. And my lens says I think I should be entitled to certain things in this world.

These folks I saw on the bus didn't explicitly say anything about entitlement. But what they did say was that those jobs were rightfully their friends' because they were "Americans." "Americans" deserve those jobs. "Guatemalans" don't. These two were entitled to the jobs they lost, because they are citizens, because they are white, because they are "American." I felt myself jumping on the entitlement bandwagon for a minute...

But then I had a head and heart check, and realized that my sense of entitlement tells me something. It told me I have to look a little deeper into why I feel entitled, and which of my identities help me feel this way (on the bus, it was clearly my whiteness and my citizenship). Then I had to be honest with myself and own up to my internalized superiority. I think I should be able to throw a tantrum when the world doesn't give me the things I think I deserve (like a job)- it's a privilege associated with being white. Then I realize I don't deserve many of the privileges I have- I am fortunate to have them, but I am certainly not entitled to them. And when I see them, I am responsible for speaking out and naming them.

So what did I do on the bus to speak out and name the entitlement and internalized superiority flying around? NOTHING. ugh. I have all sorts of excuses as to why I didn't step up... but in the end they're just excuses. The time is passed and gone.

Next time I'll be prepared to step up. That's the deal I'm making with myself today. I know the 93 will afford me additional opportunities to speak up and speak out in the future... and next time, I'll be prepared. And maybe I'll even feel entitled to say something.